The Emotional and Practical Aspects of Having an Elderly Parent Move Into Your Home
It’s noble to take on the responsibility of moving an elderly parent or loved one into your home. The trouble with noble pursuits is that they have a way of taking on an almost mythic quality. Because you are doing the right thing, any concessions you make, anything you decide to do for yourself instead of the person you are caring for can feel like the wrong thing.
That isn’t the case. Self-care and mental health provisions are an important aspect of providing treatment for an elderly loved one. You can’t do a good job of handling someone else’s problems unless you are also taking care of your own.
What are the practical realities of taking care of a loved one who is no longer fully capable of taking care of themselves?
In this article, we explore the potential nuances of these situations.
Establish Boundaries
It’s important to prioritize your own needs when you move an elderly parent into your home. Just because they are living in your house does not necessarily mean that your lives will become indistinguishable. Your parent may want their own space. You might feel like you need it for yourself as well.
Establish clear boundaries that reflect your comfort level with the situation. That could mean something simple, like establishing specific time frames for when you will be available to offer assistance. Depending on the layout of your home, it could even mean dividing up space.
There is no right or wrong way to cohabitate with an elderly parent. Keep things kind and caring, but make sure that you recognize and validate your need for personal space.
There is a good chance that your aging parent will feel the same way and appreciate these boundaries. Keep in mind— they have lived independently for decades. This will be a difficult transition for them as well. Opportunities for autonomy may be exactly what they want.
Practice Self-Care
Having an elderly parent move in with you can be very stressful. Not only are you losing part of your home and a lot of your free time, but you are also forced to accept the fact that someone you love is no longer at their peak health. That can be a difficult realization for many people to deal with.
Self-care can help make this transition easier. That means giving your body the things it needs to be healthy and productive. Health stuff. Good sleep, and proper nutrition. Exercise.
It can also mean adapting holistic habits that naturally allow you to reduce and manage stress throughout the day. This could include things like yoga and meditation, but it also may mean less formal activities.
For example, daily walks outside or quality time with a pet are all good ways to naturally trigger the chemicals in your brain that are responsible for stress management. So pet your dog in the name of good health!
Utilize a Support System
Any support system. Naturally, this will look different for everyone. If you have dependable siblings or cousins, they may be a good support resource— whether that means asking them to pitch in around the house or just lending an ear when you need to vent.
Your spouse and children may also be enlisted to help make this time a little bit easier. The important thing is that you do not place the entire burden of responsibility on yourself. Taking care of another person is difficult work. The more help you get, the better the care your aging parent will ultimately receive.
Recognize Your Limitations
Beyond thinking about your needs it is also important to be honest about what you are capable of doing. Keep in mind that elder care is a literal profession. People do it as their full-time job. They receive training for it and get specially licensed.
You, most likely, are not one of those people. You probably have other obligations, including your profession, your friends, and possibly even a family of your own to look after. You can’t do everything, particularly if your loved one suffers from chronic illness.
It’s important to recognize where the breadth of your responsibility ends and determine how you can bridge care gaps for your loved one. For example, are you completely uncomfortable administering care that could be classified as medical?
That’s a very reasonable limitation. However, if your parent requires ongoing support in the form of say, blood pressure/oxygen monitoring, medication management, dietary provisions, etc. you may need to attain additional professional care to provide at-home support.
This is expensive but there are ways to make it financially feasible.
Once you’ve identified what you can do and what you can’t, there will always be ways to work around the gaps. Sometimes that will mean enlisting the help of other family members. Other times, it might mean looking into third-party support.
Conclusion
While taking care of an elderly loved one is not easy it’s important to keep in mind that the experience doesn’t have to be a negative one either. In the previous paragraphs, we emphasized the challenges. Let’s close with an emphasis on the primary point:
This is someone you love. You care about them enough to open your home and restructure your life to accommodate their needs. That’s an enormous, beautiful thing. It’s also a special opportunity. Challenges or not, you are getting the chance to be uniquely close to someone responsible for your very existence.
Is it important to acknowledge the hardships and keep a close eye on your mental health? Absolutely. However, that does not mean that you need to go into the situation expecting it to be a nightmare.
Find pleasures in the experience and make sure you have access to the resources you need when times get hard. You’ve got this.
